This one’s hard… and as harsh as it may sound… I only recognize my precious boy’s existence November 22nd through January 10th every single year… then I reset to “post-pone grieving mode” so I have a major part of the year to be fully functional without the weight of that overbearing pain holding me down… and while this may seem unhealthy for myself or unfair to my angel, it works for ME and keeps me grounded as a Mom, wife, relative, friend, and person as a whole. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it? If not to you, it is for me. I have trained myself quite well to “forget” him after the reset period and “remember” him during his 6 weeks 4 days of life (plus the 3 bonus days I added in favor of my rainbow baby’s birthdate), like clockwork. And that’s ONLY disturbed with outside influence by mentioning or other triggers bringing him back to the forefront. Otherwise, I don’t even have to set reminders or mark my calendar anymore because, somehow my internal system automatically sets in and just alarms my brain and body when the dates arrive and starts functioning exactly how I have taught it to! It’s quite amazing, honestly! And I couldn’t be more thankful for how complex and loving my “structure” is to keep me safe and help me survive even the most horrific events in my life. And we hear about these kinds of things such as… repressed memories, sun downing during terminal illness, dissociation, amnesia, etc… it may seem to be negative at times and well, maybe it is but, it’s also just our body’s ways of protecting us and trying to save us! And we can’t be too upset about that! Can we?
Cede Dawn Chronicles 
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