Transitioning Religious Beliefs In The Bible Belt

I grew up in a biblically religious family. The “Church Of God” Denomination. I questioned many of the beliefs (even then) but quickly learned that wasn’t allowed. So I blindly followed what I was taught in front of those who were teaching me but in my mind and around those I was comfortable being honest with… was a different story. It wasn’t until I was older and more independent that I broke away from the chains of forced childhood religion and branched out into my own belief system… and that came with, well, consequences. The biggest being isolation and chastising. Not just with the church but with peers and family as well. Like they don’t care if you still believe in God, angels, demons, heaven, and hell, or what have you. They just care if you believe in the biblical side of things and even more specifically THEIR demonical interpretation of it. And that’s just insane to me. I thought you preached love and coming as you are… until as I am is different then you… then the welcome has now expired? The charity and moral high ground has now come to a sudden halt and I have become an enemy until you have reached your ultimate mission of saving my soul from damnation by public scolding, fake smiles in front of whispers and glances, tearing the entirety of what makes me, me to shreds, group pressure, shame, humiliation, angry outbursts disguised as preaching the word, and MORE! That’s how you show God’s love and grace? “His” acceptance and forgiveness? “His” patience and gentleness? “His” anything kind? I guess… those of us damned to hell for believing a little differently just couldn’t understand THAT kind of peace and tranquility. THAT kind of shoulder to cry on and hand to hold. THAT kind of greater good. But I do know one thing, that’s not the God I’ve met in my moments of despair and gratefulness. The one I have a relationship with… rather than a strict unattainable contract with. The one that’s not in a storybook or at an altar or even in a building with a tall steeple or cross. The one that comes where YOU are. HOW you are. As you ARE (truly). And loves you the same. Guides you to better yourself to your best potential while keeping what makes you, you. No removing who you love, what you love or dictating how you dress, what you eat, etc… He/She/It made you to be exactly who are. To be you. So why would there be this book of rules stating you have to go against that? What is natural to your very existence? It doesn’t make sense. And God isn’t the art of confusion, right?