Self Harm

I self harmed from age 14 to 19. I only stopped because I had Rix and you could lose your child for doing that. So after I had him I went to the Cherokee Health Systems CSU (crisis stabilization unit) for 120 hours (supposed to be 72 hours, I almost had to transfer to a psychiatric facility for longer term due to maxing out the CSU program) so I could get mentally right and be the best Mom I could be. He projectile vomited breast milk so he used Similac Alimentum formula and my Mom kept him for me. There I started medication, group therapy, and was chosen for individual therapy (only for the more severe patients to avoid the transfer for a psychiatric facility for longer term stays, I saw only 1 girl go there out of everyone that came in and out). I was then diagnosed with Complex PTSD and Bipolar 1 and Paranoid Schizophrenia (now changed to Schizoaffective Bipolar 1 Type Disorder). They got me all settled down and healthy and I went home. The outpatient with Cherokee Health Systems added Borderline Personality Disorder then well later DID was added. Every psychiatric provider I have seen since have agreed with these diagnoses and they have not changed. I still get urges to self harm but I replace it with heavy sensory input tasks… like flicking a rubber band on my wrist, rubbing sand paper, wrapping up tight in a cover or using a weighted blanket, etc… It really helps calm those urges down and help me get back to baseline. It took a lot of therapy to get here. They tried the first line calming techniques and I’ve listed another blog about how that goes. I can’t do mediation, deep breathing, relaxing, etc… too much room for more thinking and other trauma being remembered too. I need busy, chaotic, noisy… you know a distracting environment. And now I finally have my meds. right too. That took longer. I have the perfect combo and doses. Life is tolerable and has a touch of pleasantry. I can dig it. Lol.