My Heart is Worn as Tear Droplets Streaming Down My Face… let me explain!

I’m a sensitive soul. I cry at the most minute little tender moments. The little things most would overlook. Like when someone says something stupid and you naturally do a “wow, ooookkaaaay” look, side eye, and smirky giggle reaction… I go out of my way to NOT do that. Being the cause of someone’s embarrassment or hurt feelings even if they’re so very slight… would keep me up at night. I wouldn’t forgive myself. Even if the person seemed to not even think about it and be just fine. I’d be down right suicidal I tell ya.   Stories about missing people, child abuse, murder to literally anyone, animal cruelty, etc…? Schedule a 45 minute cry, 37 minute rage, 13 minute staring in a void, and 3 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours, 59 seconds obsessing what they must’ve gone through… nervous breakdown… because that’s exactly what I’m spending the next 90 days doing! 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s completely pitiful, lame, and humiliating. I’m such a crybaby lol. It’s ridiculous to say the least. Someone say something wrong and get called out? Board the empathy bus heading to guiltytown Earth. Because that’s where my location is pinging for the next 72 hours. 3 days of feeling what I think they’re feeling which is probably WAY dramatized… Let one of my or someone else’s, even, pets want lovings but I’m eating or tending to Quin and really want to engage but unfortunately cannot, allow the intense shame and self scolding begin. Because I’ll hear about this in my mind by me and the others for the rest of the day and half way through the night! Or all night if it happened in the evening or later. This world has appeared to have gotten so heartless and emotionally numb. And it’s so hard on a heart like mine. It bleeds blue from my eyes. And it terribly affects my mental health and well being. It’s so hard to truly be able to experience what others are going through as if it’s you going through it. That level of understanding is difficult to live with. You’re in constant pain physically and psychologically because you’re never surrounded by 100% happy people all in the same moment for long periods of time. It’s hell. I wish I could switch it off like a light. That it suddenly just disappeared like a light from a wall to wall room when the bulb is emptied of the florescents or from the sky when the sun fades below the horizon. But instead it remains around like a world filled with a busy city with traffic at all times in 24 hours, street lights flooding the streets, night life keeping the sky lit up glowing above the hustle and bustle of urban areas, and such more! It’s a curse but brings its sparse gifts… Compassion, Sympathy, Prolonged Innocence, Higher Purity Percentage, Loving Nature, Nurturing Aura, Terrific Listening Skills, Understanding, Sweet Spirit, Impeccable Character, Positive Bringing Qualities, and more! You always have well meaning intentions and remain honest but kind expressing! I’d much rather suffer from caring about those I encounter than cause suffering to those I encounter NOT caring. And I stand 10 toes down on that. 🫶🏼