It depends…

, do we mean physically, character wise, or medically?

…If we are referring to physically my answer would be a tie between being acne free or back to the ideal weight for my body type. I’ve been too thin and now I’m way way too heavy and neither feel good. I want to be “healthy” again. I was there after all 3 of my first children. I was glowing and had curves in all the right places plus just enough to love in the belly. But with my last… I blew up. I’m now living with morbid obesity. And it’s disgusting and so so hard to break free of. I’ve tried everything but the ozempic trend. Maybe I should bite the bullet and just do that?…

… If we’re talking character wise I would change my natural urge to manipulate when there’s no need when everything I am saying is already the truth. I always feel like I’m not being believed just as is so I over explain and zoom in on the gruesome details so they know how serious whatever the situation is… is… but I really don’t need to do that, because it’s pretty clear how significant it is all on its own at its base level. So I really don’t know why I even do it at all. I have no reason to lie and never do. So why the extra?…

… If we talking medically… shew… I’m going mental illnesses. All of them. But if we have to narrow it down to just one… Borderline Personality Disorder 100%! C-PTSD makes me a better Mom in some ways, Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar 1 Type is easily treated with medication, and I’ve learned to manage my DID well… so BPD, 100%, would be out of here. It’s the most painful psychological condition to live with that I personally have experienced or have, had explained to me what it feels like to experience. Going from feeling too much so intensely to absolutely nothing not even dully like numb just absolutely zero emotions at all is bizarre and uncomfortable. I hate it. It’s misery!…

So yeah…

                 It depends…