Author: Cede Dawn

“Well hello Mrs. Emmarie. How are we today?”, said the therapist. ” We’re, I mean, I’m good. You?”, Emmarie said nervously. “Doing Fine. Thanks for asking. So, anything you want to talk about today in particular?” “,Yes. Actually. I want to talk about what we can talk about. Like, what are the boundaries? Is there…

Emmarie thought a lot about her next therapy session. What should she say? How far into her past should she go? She bought a journal and took notes of these thoughts and questions. She wanted to talk them out with Mrs. Smith and get an idea of what was appropriate because she has never done…

When I self harmed, I used cutting and burning. While I know those are both common ways to do it, I often wonder if I chose those because of my past with sadistic sexual molestation. He used many forms of torture and humiliation tactics (as I speak about in more detail in another blog post)…

I self harmed from age 14 to 19. I only stopped because I had Rix and you could lose your child for doing that. So after I had him I went to the Cherokee Health Systems CSU (crisis stabilization unit) for 120 hours (supposed to be 72 hours, I almost had to transfer to a…

My Body Is Something I Thought Was Only Mine… But You Came Along And Changed My Mind… I Begged And Pleaded, Said No And Stop… But You Dehumanized Me And Treated Me As A Prop… A Prop For Your Enjoyment… Sexual Intimacy, I’m Now Avoidant… Forced On Me What You Wanted… Told Me That My…

Once Upon A Time… You Were Mine… In Public We Laughed… I Spoke Highly On Your Behalf… But A Dark Secret Hid Behind Closed Doors… You and I At Constant War… New Bruises Covering The Healed…  Praying To God The Next Time I Wasn’t Killed… Faking A Smile So The Kids Don’t Know… Burning Inside…

“Hi Emmarie. I’m Mrs. Smith. And I’m going to be your therapist. So tell me a little about yourself.” “Um. I’m Emmarie. Well, um, yeah, you already know that. I’m new here.  And I’m new to this. My family doesn’t really believe in this kind of thing. But I do. And um yeah I think…

Rix’s Birth : “One more push” “AAAAHHHHH” “wwawaahhhh” Sits a beautiful crying blue eyed baby boy on my chest… He stops crying and looks at me… I get filled with a love I’ve never known. So strong I can physically feel it under my skin and in the middle of my bones… “I look around…